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This period represents a ten-year milestone since the term “ghosting” entered the public consciousness. Initially, the idea that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, seeking a significant other has only become more confounding – an oftentimes pointless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly defined by online slang.

Gen Z, a demographic who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a concerted assault on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their Gen Y predecessors could ever fathom. And so their dating glossary has grown longer and more unhinged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive guide to the words this generation is using to talk about love, sex and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most viral memes, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – According to gen Z, dating’s gold standard is showing up as your true, raw self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon connected to a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s response is interested or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This signifies seeking out someone who supports you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A outing where two people connect while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do low-cost romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s yuppie excess, it describes couples who forgo having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of acting aloof: embracing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Danger signals – Personal quirks signaling a potential partner is trouble. Examples include calling their exes crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits confirm your decision to date a mate. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These typically describe specific, largely inoffensive quirks. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and frequently trivial repulsions that immediately extinguish any feelings of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic display.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy realistic.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {